Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale! Inhale! Exhale!

about as bittersweet as it can get.

2007-09-28T17:40:45Z

Last night while cruising thirteen thousand feet above, I had so much time to think before landing in the place I was so surely to call my home only two months ago. I couldn't help thinking about her, my eyes would well up just as frequent as the dips and turns we'd take in the air. Amidst all of the turbulence I noticed something, there were two types of people on the flight I was on. There were the lonely people, with fear in their eyes for their own safety. "I'm not ready!" was most likely the only thought present in their minds. And then, in an almost complete contrast, there were the people with love in their eyes. I witnessed a couple staring into each other's eyes with complete and total adoration. The shape of their youthful bodies made a heart. Even when it seemed like the plane was taking it's worst beating, they were just enjoying the moment they had together and that even if things were to go down then and there they would be happy that at least they were together.
I started to wonder in all of this, where do I fit in? Was I afraid for my own life? To be honest I've encountered more bumps within my own life that a little turbulence was the least of my concerns. I was not floating in a sea of love. I was merely left a witness to the people around me. Cinema verite.

I'm starting to pick up the pieces, and there is still the biggest piece absent from me. I will always be in love with her. She is my strength, my reason, and my hope. Tears are a daily reaction to the insatiable craving, the daily yearning for the purest and deepest sense of truth I have ever encountered. I may never be the same inside, but I am so thankful for the life I was given. I was born in the spring of 2006. Love always conquers all.

woah..

2007-05-31T06:48:20Z

I am already becoming the stereotypical film maker, as nick quaintly pointed out, with my jeans t-shirt, hoodie and beard. not to mention i have only eaten one square meal today. I'm just busy, busy doing practically nothing. I'm excited for this summer and the future, I appreciate having Anthony in town, with our highly intellectual, productive, and alleviating conversations. I learned how to correctly spell the word facade, which is exciting. It feels really weird posting on here again, I guess because I only posted when something good/bad was happening, not just because. I guess this is a just because post, either that or that's all you get to see behind this facade. The office is most definitely a top notch show. I hope everyone is doing well.

onlyanecho @ 2006-08-14T16:02:00

2006-08-14T21:04:09Z

Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. "I think not," he says, and vanishes.

An actual post.

2006-08-04T01:37:04Z

I had to get on here and post this mainly because I am home alone and really have no one to call and talk about this to and I'd rather not keep it all bottled up ready to explode. Basically my girlfriend Madison is in Maryland at a college volley ball camp, and the only times I get to hear from her is early in the morning and late at night. Whenever she goes to these camps I get terrified and beat myself up inside, because of a series of irrational fears. I am afraid that when she's away she'll meet some hot guy, I am afraid that she'll enjoy the time away from round rock a lot and not want to come home, I am afraid that I'll annoy her too much by calling and texting her.. All these stupid fears I fight away with reason and some convincing, but when she calls me at night and sounds like she doesn't really want to talk, I feel like I am sinking and fighting to make things alright. She tells me that she's tired, aching, and her head hurts, and that she loves me and misses me. I have the problem that if someone sounds like they do not want to talk to me, I take it as if they have a problem with me and do not want to talk to me, when in fact it could be something completely different. And so I press on with "what's wrong?" and "I love you!" I've got something amazing going on right now, I feel love! dizzy, nervous, shy, kind love, the stuff you dream about, you write about, you claim you'll never find when you're at your very lowest point. I hold on to every single memory and every single second, I wait for saturday to come, and to see the face that will let me know that every thing is and will be okay, for now and forever. I'm a nervous, lovesick, romantic, wreck.

My reply...

2006-08-02T12:18:30Z

it seems some people prefer to stir controversy rather than keep friends :(

My response:

woah jesus gabe!!
you've already jumped to attacking me?!

That post was pertaining to the fact that I was going to go with anthony but I had to tell him yesterday that I was broke and couldn't make it. I'm making the best of a bad situation. since when have I ever dogged 25 or not stood behind you and rubbed your back why you played, or tell you that it was a good set? Calling me a musical genius and making this post was indeed very ignorant. Rather than talking it through with me you resorted to stirring controversy, which will ultimately get you nowhere in life except with an absence of friends. I'm pretty upset that you'd go this far, and take it this way. But if that's the way it is, you can't change a person.. I'm sorry you've taken my post this way, if you want to leave it this way just to draw attention to yourself then so be it, i'll play the martyr to your cause gabe..

love you buddy.

onlyanecho @ 2006-08-01T22:37:00

2006-08-02T03:38:25Z

I'm not going on wednesday, and I feel pretty good about it.

You kids have fun.

:)

Hot off the press.

2006-07-28T05:59:47Z

New lyrics for a song:

A whole new day-

Tick tock can't stop it
These saturday mornings don't last like they used to
time marches on, leaving me to decide what to make of it all.
I can't say what I want it to be, I don't know.
I can see what I wanted to be, that I know.
A whole new day is another chance to say,
"I'm sorry."

..yeahh anthony!

Mourir..

2006-07-16T15:06:54Z

Le souffle coupé, les pieds apaisés, j’essaye avant tout de ne pas faiblir, de ne penser qu'à cette obsession. Il faut que j’emporte son image à jamais, afin ne pas oublier pourquoi je suis ici. Que ce pas en avant serait futile, si je m’en allais vivre une plénitude heureuse, inconscient de cette fleur malheureuse, prête à me cueillir au premier faux pas. Il faut que je tienne et que j’attende, que je ne regrette rien. Comme une dernière image, celle que je veux peut être garder de nous, je serai là, pour toujours, suspendu à tes lèvres…

amour.

Naitre.

2006-07-16T15:05:42Z

Mon coeur fustigé par le noir, les larmes, le froid sur ma peau, à essayer de voir, d'entendre espoir, ébloui par des mots. Mais pourquoi déjà tant d'histoires? Pourquoi maudire tant d'espoir? Je suis déjà fatigué, déjà écoeuré par vos querelles et vos maux. Mais pourquoi, pourquoi suis-je né? Si c'est pour que tu m'offres ça, des fleurs fanées, des larmes plus qu'il n'en faut. Pourquoi, pourquoi m'aimer? Si c'est pour que je t'offre ça, un cœur usé et des nuits noires comme une faux. Je ne sais pas pourquoi je suis tant fatigué, à tout te dire je préfère plutôt crever. Je vais vouer ma vie à l'amour fragile; me préparer à m'élire, mon âme ourlée de cheveux fins, roi d'un paradis toujours un peu trop lointain.

Goodbye fears! :)

2006-07-12T06:10:12Z

If it was airtight, I know you'd choke.

onlyanecho @ 2006-07-08T01:08:00

2006-07-08T06:08:54Z

Mm I Eat Vegans: :-D I'm gonna have amazing dreamss
Mm I Eat Vegans: but nothing compares to waking up and having the most amazing girl in the world love you

onlyanecho @ 2006-06-29T23:39:00

2006-06-30T04:39:20Z

why do I fall to pieces when my girlfriend tells me she's not in the mood to talk to me. When I wait a whole day sitting by the phone while she's two time zones away and then she calls and she sounds annoyed and then doesn't want to talk to me. I feel like I need her more right now, and that scares the shit out of me. I feel like im annoying, she tells me I'm not, yet I feel so annoying. I love her more than anything in the world, and I miss her sooo much. I just want to know that she needs me and that everything is alright.

I'm pathetic.

Saturday

2006-06-24T19:13:12Z

I guess we're just different, in the same way.

Anthony I am sorry.

yeah so what.

2006-06-23T00:57:58Z

My Recommendations:
+Cum Dumpsters 1
+Cum Gobblers 10

onlyanecho @ 2006-06-21T01:08:00

2006-06-21T06:19:09Z

Mending slowly, all wounds, this is the burdon of a sunken child.
A look to heaven, to see again. hes buried. completes the stone heart of an angry son, an angry son whos done his swallowing, his memories are bitten pills, so many bitten pills that hes collected, and all he has is broken ground. he now moves on.
This ground so unsettled, so endlessly unsettled.
...on the way to the sunken earth, and still he moves on.

This is earth, for he has moved on and collected, settled to his own liking, and still he moves on.

A voice in the back of his head reminding him that this is stolen, that this is not his
all these moments, all these precious times spent, moments in gravity.
all this anxious waiting, all this time spent waiting.
all this pain that you know, all this time spent moving, all this pain that you will ever know.

Though he is living, silently in moments, and forgiving relevance... it is in his heart he is holding and callingg behind sadness of empty fields. It is in these moments of time well spent...in these moments of gravity, this time well spent, a look to heaven, sighing tears of angel's in the night sky...

racing, racing, yelling softly, "This is the moment, this is the moment!"
A look to heaven, sighing tears of angel's in the night sky, this is the moment.

Holding moments and forgiving relevance...it is in his heart he is holding and calling behind sadness of empty fields. all these moments of time, time well spent.

Behind tired eyes, behind tired eyes he is waiting and knowing of our destinies.

we call him the angry son.

this is about me

I am the angry son.

onlyanecho @ 2006-06-07T17:44:00

2006-06-07T22:52:58Z

Dear anthony,
Thanks for the name calling, I guess I am a jackass.
That's relatively nice for a friend of a few years.
Thanks for not being harsh or anything. I guess this severs the relationship
we had as close friends. I don't care that you smoke pot.
And as far as telling me how to be a "real" friend, how does that work?
Can you explain to me how to be a real friend, since you have mastered this art.
Look, I care about you so I'll end here.
I like you, the real you. I know the real you, the one who doesn't have to make
jokes about scene kids all the time, or talk about his bro shorts. I know the one
who is a person and actually has emotions. I know you'll be in college at the end of the summer so I guess this is a good a time as any to say goodbye. I hope you find "real friends" in college, ones who aren't jackasses for pointing out how their friend is changing. I hope you find amazing friends who just laugh at your jokes, love the same exact music as you, and never goes against anything that you do.

Bye, your old friend.

p.s- I leave the comments open.

onlyanecho @ 2006-06-07T01:03:00

2006-06-07T06:07:53Z

Dear ________,
We used to be friends, we used to be good friends.
In the past we could talk about life and girls and goals.
But lately you have changed, and I honestly doubt you are yourself.
I saw you and I could tell you were trying really hard
to impress your other friends. Just remember that the friends you draw
close to are the same ones who cause you to be an asshole to me and others
who actually care about you..
I hope you persue music on some level in the future, and I hope you find people who foster
your personality. But for now I need a break from who you are becoming and what
you are doing to yourself.

Have a good summer old pal.

-Michael

more writing

2006-06-02T06:57:46Z

I know what I am but what are you?

Cant you think for yourself in anything
Your subconcious abortion or lack of existance.
you were born without a mind of your own.
Try to dress yourself, think yourself, learn yourself
at least maintain some thread of originality.
your biggest mistake was forgetting yourself.
forget the words, I dislike you.

I wrote it tonight, I became inspired by a few people around me that I used to call friends

good night.

-Michael

onlyanecho @ 2006-05-23T22:38:00

2006-05-24T03:45:21Z

If there was
more to offer
I would give it all
A season ends
summer begins
I begin to fall.

I wrote it today after the physics final.
I really wish there was an amazing guitarist in the austin/round rock area who could play like 90's screamoish guitar riffs and listened to as much I hate myself and orchid as I do.
There are so many things I want to scream but It's extremely hard to write the chords to go with the words that I'm feeling.

It's gonna happen

If you know anyone.

Post up.

Thanks.
Michael :)

This weekend has been.

2006-05-15T01:46:00Z

Lovemaking x2

Epic.

/////////////

2006-05-08T04:39:44Z

"like anywhere else there are no
coincidences, probability makes for
accomplices and change creates meaning."
when we move, it's a movement.

Horse the band.

2005-11-26T20:43:52Z

Yesterday, Anthony picked me up. We ventured down to the drag and had amazing Taiwanese food, then we met up with Alex, Brian, Logan, and Joey at le fun. We all played video games, they were high hah.. We all met up at emos where we saw Horse the Band/BTBAM/Hella!/Dillinger. Amazing show, amazing people. Everyone was there. I love all of you.

Friends Only

2005-09-19T02:12:55Z

This Journal is "Friends Only"

+Add Me:
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